Romance Heroines

(I didn’t write this either, but I thought it was fun.)

If I am ever a Romance Heroine, I will not:

1. Go up in my nightie to see what all that screamingin the attic is about.

2. Have a baby and not tell the father to protect him and his future.

3. Decide to barge into a dangerous situation just to show him!

4. Tell the hero I'm a virgin as I'm about to have some really incredible sex.

5. Let my breasts taunt and/or tease the hero.

6. See him talking to another woman and turn it into a Flaming Affair without asking him about it.

7. Go into the basement to see what that strange noise was.

8. Permit my bosom to heave, especially while wearing a bodice.

9. Ever permit my bodice to be ripped, though I may rip it myself.

10. Wear a bodice.

11. Be more beautiful, thin, and/or rich than anyone else on the planet.

12. Conceal my identity, or if I already have, put off telling him who I really am.

13. Have the longest legs the hero's ever seen, especially if I'm only five foot tall.

14. Borrow clothes that are too snug in the bosom.

15. Be at the absolute pinnacle of my profession when I'm 22.

16. Get in front of the hero and his gun when the villain is confronting us

17. Limit...the breathy pauses in...my sentences...to only one...a phrase.

18. Have a "creamy" anything.

19. Have sex with a hero who has a "velvet covered manhood" because of the annoying lint this would create.

20. Keep reminding the hero that I am independent and can take care of myself, while constantly getting into situations where he has to "save" me.

21. Insist I am independent then allow the hero to dictate my life.

22. Tell all my suspicions to the nice looking, totally sympathetic "other" man only to find out he's the killer.

23. Struggle futilely to break free from the hero's punishing embrace before being overcome with desire.
Either I want him, in which case I should not be fighting, or I don't want him, in which case I should break his nose, foot, finger, and anything else handy. Enough with the wimpy struggles.

Can you think of any to add?

And with apologies to Tanya….

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24 comments:

Michele said...

That list is an absolute hoot of truth. Everyone who has read a romance has suffered those thoughts at one point or another. Should I ever decide to write, I'm going to keep this list by me to remind myself what NOT to do. And should I find myself in any of those situations for real....I'm TSTL!...*snicker*

MJFredrick said...

Glad you enjoyed them, Michele! Though I must say, I don't encounter these as often as I used to.

Anonymous said...

Hehehehe }:) It's a fun list, Mary!

Trish Milburn said...

What a nice picture of Gerry to see before I hit the road. Ahhh. And congrats on the 100 hits in a day. I'm jealous! :)

MJFredrick said...

This is the picture on my desktop.

Trish, have a great trip and be safe!

Elizabeth Kerri Mahon said...

Great list, Mary. I'll have to remember this. Funnily enough, I was watching Hooking Up last night on ABC, and one of the women lied about her name and her profession to one of her dates, and couldn't figure out why he would be pissed off.

MJFredrick said...

Elizabeth, sheesh! What did she THINK was going to happen?

Dixie Belle said...

This list was great!! So funny.
Add Orbs (Breasts according to Kathleen Woodweiss) and Nubs.

I'm collecting the GB pics on your site for a friend, who loves him.

Toni Anderson said...

Mary--who is the guy with the beard?

I love your sunflowers!!!

PS. How do you know how many hits you get? I have an overall counter but I'm pretty sure I'm the one checking out my blog LOL!!!!

Anonymous said...

Another great pic, Mar...you have them ALL!

JoAnn

Kelly (Lynn) Parra said...

LOL! Those are great! - Kel

MJFredrick said...

Wow, I wasn't able to post on my own blog most of the morning.

Okay, so no orbs or nubs on any part of a heroine's body ;)

Toni, Gerard Butler is my obsession of the year. He was in Tomb Raider 2, Timeline and Phantom of the Opera. And if you click on my counter, it will take you to the website where you can get your own counter. I don't like it as well as my other counter, but that disappeared in one of my template updates, and I don't remember where I got it.

Shesawriter said...

Mary,

Apologies are wonderful, WHEN YOU MEAN THEM! ROFLOL! And we both know you are anything but sorry about posting Gerry pictures, despite the fact that I get hot flashes every time I look at them. You sorry? Puhleeze. LOL!

Tanya

Shesawriter said...

BTW, your list was funny as heck. :-)

Tanya

MJFredrick said...

LOL on the hot flashes, Tanya! At least he has his shirt on in this one.

Amie Stuart said...

*howling* those were priceless!!!!!!

MJFredrick said...

;), Cece!

Jordan Summers said...

That is so funny. The going after the bad guy to save the hero thing has always made me go 'Uh?'.

Anonymous said...

Great list! Loved it!

MJFredrick said...

I agree, Jordan! Thanks for visiting - I always enjoy your blog.

Anonymous said...

Gerard Butler is looking so Yummy!!
Thelist is great!

MJFredrick said...

Hi, Sasha! Yes, he is pretty, isn't he?

vanessa jaye said...

LOL! Great list. I needed that chuckle.

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