The Talk

6000 posts!!! Whoo-hoo!!! that's over 1000 in one week!

I got The Talk this weekend. You know, the "You're spending too much time at the computer and not enough time with your family" talk. My dh said I don't talk anymore, that I'm always "typy, typy." He wanted to go to a new shopping center this weekend (they have an Apple store - he's not usually a shopper) but I didn't want to go because of my writing. We used to do things on Sundays, even just going to movies, but now I'm in front of the computer. Even at dinner, I'm thinking about my story, and as soon as I finish eating, it's back to the ms. I'll take occasional breaks to watch TV, but I'm always up late, awake early, working on these books.

I try to explain that once the books are out of here, that I can take more time, that I hate having books "owed" to people. He knows me well enough to know that as soon as these books are done, I'll be on to another project. Especially, like I told my friend Cindi last night, since I need to get Surface and DLB to ST length before the GH.

So, yes, I know, I need to find a balance. I'm not exercising, my yard looks like hell (I have empty pots - I NEVER have empty pots), my house looks like hell. There are contest entries and tyvek envelopes all over my counter. My laundry is still in baskets. My bathrooms get a lick and a promise. But I'm so afraid that if I stop, if I slow down, I'm going to lose the opportunity. And I feel so guilty when I'm not writing.

I will find the balance, I swear. After these two books are out the door.

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9 comments:

Jill Monroe said...

Mary, I don't even want to know what a lick and a promise to the bathroom is.

So, I totally understand about the Apple store, too. My dh is addicted to all things mac!

So, on finding time for family and for writing. Hard. BUT, one thing I've learned, and I'm not a feng shui kind of gal, but if my house is clean, I seem to write better.

The kids seem more harmonious, and so does the dh.

Peggy said...

I hear you Mary. I get the "talk" all the time. I figure that's just too bad. I've spent years (at least I felt) being a good wife and mother putting my own needs second. Well, I'm not getting any younger and they are getting older, so about time they figure out how to use the laundry machine! This is my life, like it or not, and I plan on spending the remainder of it doing exactly what I like!! Okay, will get off my pedestal now. :-)

Stephanie Bose said...

And I thought I was the only one!

Actually, my fiancee was close to leaving me over this very issue! But, he smartened up and realized how important this is to me, and I learned to compromise -- a bit : )

Bosey

Shesawriter said...

I get that talk too, only it's not necessarily about the computer. It's about living in my own head. When I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. Even during conversations. And now especially since I'm trying to plot a new book. I can't write until my stuff is plotted out, so I may disappear into my own little world in the middle of a conversation (phone or otherwise). Sorry to say that I will probably never be cured of this because it's how I "write" and since I'm a writer ... well, you get my drift. DH and the kids are just going to have to understand. This is how I operate.

Tanya

Sarah Catherine said...

Hey Mary - it is so funny that you posted this.
My house looks like total crap, laundry in baskets, dishes not done.

Over the past year or so, I've learned that I have what someone might call an "addictive personality" - I get easily addicted! To food, to reality TV, to writing - good thing I never tried gambling or drugs!

But, my husband knows better than to give me The Talk. He's just as bad about spacing out in conversations over his own recent obsessions - and if he says one WORD about the house, he can clean it himself. :)

Trish Milburn said...

Mary, I know what you mean. DH hasn't said anything, but I feel guilty. So I've been trying to find the balance. I've been working in the yard 20-30 minutes a day, walking 30-45 minutes a day outside while listening to RWA workshops on my MP3 player (gets me out of the house and I'm "working" by listening to those tapes). I stop working on writing stuff when DH gets home, long enough to cook and eat dinner and have the "how was your day?" chat, but then it's back to work again until I'm ready to go to bed. Granted, it's easier to find time to do some of these extra things since I've not got a day job at the moment, but then because of that I feel guilty if I'm not spending a tremendous amount of time writing/revising/etc., because I'm feeling the financial pressure (self-imposed) to sell. Vicious cycle, isn't it?

Kelly Parra said...

The hubbys do start to feel neglected. I've realized I need to give him time too, so I take an hour with him in the evening just talking or watching TV, then back out to the computer. I can't write knowing there's any kind of tension in the house. =)

MaryF said...

I think a lot of my dh's deal is that I am like Tanya, in la-la land a lot as I work through problems. Either that, or I'm talking about my story, or my class (who I love, in case I haven't mentioned that.) He's not too concerned about the clean house (hey, I make more $$ than him - HE can clean it.) He and the boy do take care of the dishes for me.

I like y'alls attitudes, though. :P on them - this is for us!

Bosey, I'm glad your fiance saw the light, especially with how much success you've been having!

Sarah, my clothes are in baskets, too. Maybe I'll fold some during Bones tonight.

If I could just get one book out the door, I could relax a hair.

Anonymous said...

I get "the talk" occasionally, Mar...but I started thinking, am I using all that time at the puter on book work, or is email and the like eating up most of my time? This is why I've cut back on elists, and changed to blogging only once a week. Now that I'm back to work, I have even less free time---and the dh and mostly grown kids DO need some of me on a regular basis.

I will be blunt, my dears...I've learned the hard way that we tend to think that love will just always be there, without any light or air or water from us. But deprive something alive and growing of those things, and it will wither. My loved ones are the roses of my life. I'd better tend to them, or I may end up with just a few thorny sticks out there in the yard.

Hugs,
JoAnn

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I'm a mom, a wife, a teacher and a writer. I have five cats and a dog to keep me company. I love bookstores and libraries and Netflix - movies are my greatest weakness.
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