At the risk of wishing my life away, I want this week to be over. In fact, I want it to be next Wednesday, when my observation and the PTA program are both behind me, and I only have a week and a half to Thanksgiving break.

Maybe it’s because of that stress that I’ve kind of relaxed in my whole desperation to get published. I mean, just two months ago, I was all twisted up, wishing I had something out there so I could sell. Two months before that, I was twisted up because I wasn’t getting a pink ribbon this year. Before that, I was twisted because I wasn’t getting my revisions done quickly enough, my GH entry was sitting waiting for revisions, etc etc.

Before that, I was twisted up because one editor or another had a book and wasn’t responding. I was twisted that I wasn’t writing fast enough, producing enough, having new stuff out.

Right now I’m not feeling the same pressure. Maybe it’s because I actually do have three books out there, but even that doesn’t fill me with that odd mixture of hope and dread. I’m feeling very relaxed about it all.

It’s showing in my writing, too, I think. I’m not as concerned about marketing as I’m writing the book (good thing, since after listening to RWA Idol, my foreign settings don’t play well.) The book I’m writing for Nano…I have no idea who would buy it. It would have been a Bombshell once upon a time. Now I’m going to write it because I need to write it.

Now, don’t ask me HOW I did this. Maybe it’s because I’m good with my job (although I want to stay hoooommmme!) Maybe it’s because I FINALLY (12 years later) realized it’s out of my control after it leaves my hands.

Maybe I’m just tired.

I haven’t given up. I’ve just stopped needing it.

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Stephanie said...

You have reached a state of writer's Zen where all is blissful and serene and you are at one with the universe... what a lovely place to be : )

Seriously, do you best to hold onto this feeling. You're absolutely right -- write what you need to write. You've earned the right to do that.

Stephanie said...

Good heavens. Did I really use "right" and "write" so many times in one short post??!! Sorry!! I need an editor.

Anonymous said...

Mar, I'm where you are in my writer's path. I'm happy just as I am. It feels really good.


Kelly Boyce said...

I figure once stuff is out there - answersed or not - you're in the game. That's gotta be good!

Anonymous said...

Go Mary, GO Mary. :-)
This is a healthy place.
But oh dear God, is it really that close to Thanksgiving? I REALLY need some more time. :-)

MJFredrick said...

This is so cool - I hope it lasts!

Bosey, I was laughing at that first post!

David said...

My fith book came out this month and I SO get what you are saying.

Thank you so much for sharing

MJFredrick said...

Welcome, David! Congratulations on your 5th book. I would think relaxing would be hard to do at that point.


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I'm a mom, a wife, a teacher and a writer. I have five cats and a dog to keep me company. I love bookstores and libraries and Netflix - movies are my greatest weakness.
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