At the risk of wishing my life away, I want this week to be over. In fact, I want it to be next Wednesday, when my observation and the PTA program are both behind me, and I only have a week and a half to Thanksgiving break.

Maybe it’s because of that stress that I’ve kind of relaxed in my whole desperation to get published. I mean, just two months ago, I was all twisted up, wishing I had something out there so I could sell. Two months before that, I was twisted up because I wasn’t getting a pink ribbon this year. Before that, I was twisted because I wasn’t getting my revisions done quickly enough, my GH entry was sitting waiting for revisions, etc etc.

Before that, I was twisted up because one editor or another had a book and wasn’t responding. I was twisted that I wasn’t writing fast enough, producing enough, having new stuff out.

Right now I’m not feeling the same pressure. Maybe it’s because I actually do have three books out there, but even that doesn’t fill me with that odd mixture of hope and dread. I’m feeling very relaxed about it all.

It’s showing in my writing, too, I think. I’m not as concerned about marketing as I’m writing the book (good thing, since after listening to RWA Idol, my foreign settings don’t play well.) The book I’m writing for Nano…I have no idea who would buy it. It would have been a Bombshell once upon a time. Now I’m going to write it because I need to write it.

Now, don’t ask me HOW I did this. Maybe it’s because I’m good with my job (although I want to stay hoooommmme!) Maybe it’s because I FINALLY (12 years later) realized it’s out of my control after it leaves my hands.

Maybe I’m just tired.

I haven’t given up. I’ve just stopped needing it.