Husbands and Best Friends
First of all, many apologies to Dana Marton, but I have to finish her book ASAP - that is one of the ugliest covers I've ever seen! Good book, though!
We had a recent discussion on one of my email loops about having things in common with our husbands, and how that will affect our marriages after the kids leave.
I have very little in common with my husband. He loves music, I haven’t bought a CD since 2004. He builds guitar effects and talks about capacitors and things I don’t understand (or care to.) But the other night when Trish was here, we had dinner with my brother and sister in law and I realized how much history my husband and I share. And when we went to Dallas last fall, we actually did find things to talk about. He’s pretty smart, my husband.
As we were discussing this on the loop, I started thinking about my relationship with my best friend. Other than our day job, we don’t have much in common. We don’t like the same movies, she doesn’t read much, and never romance, she loves sports. She’s political, I’m not. I’m the computer geek, she barely checks email. Yet we can talk for hours. Like Fred, Cindi and I have a history. We know each other’s families, we have shared values, and I have no doubt we’ll be little old ladies together.
So what is it that makes us in it for the long haul, if not common interests? I mean, eHarmony seems to think that’s the key, right? Is it values, history, or something else?
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7 comments:
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this problem! My husband and I joke all the time about the fact that we have pretty much nothing in common -- nothing at all (except our daughter and a firm resolve that we can make it through anything). And yet, we've made it twelve years together!
My best friend (for the past 25 years) and I also have nothing in common -- down to silly things like peanut butter brands. She drinks Coke, I prefer Pepsi. We are polar opposites politically and yet, we've been there for each other since junior high.
Go figure. I don't have an answer to why it works. It just does...
My best friend and I are from two different spots on the US. She's native NYer and I'm a native Texan. Talk about different. But, she is the sister of my heart and we have had those moments were we think the creepy music will start to play in the background when we mention 'thing's we've had in the past. We have the same phone, same glasses, same cell phone, you name it, we got it and didn't know the other had bought it. And our husbands!! Don't even get me started! hehe They will watch the same thing at the same time and not know it. Both of them work for police departments. They are each 5 years older than us. It's freaky how much we ALL have in common.
Just freaky.
Hubby and I don't have tons in common, but there's enough there to keep us close. I do think the differences actually add to conversational opportunties. He tells me how he chooses to invest our money. I tell him about what writing project I'm working on. He's a shy homebody, so I go on solo trips often. But then I come back and tell him all about what I've done and seen. We do travel together sometimes -- we both like the beach.
I think differences can keep things interesting and lively. I know I wouldn't mind if someone had different tastes and whatnot. The fact that they can accept that and that you can find some common ground is what makes it work so well.
Me and my husband have a lot in common--but not everything. And in general ways he's my opposite. I'm shy, he's outgoing, I'm a late nighter, he's as early bird.
I think it is to do with having certain family values that you sahre, and history counts for a lot!
The DH and I are not similar...we are complimentary. I am more where he is less, he is more where I am less. We call ourselves the 2 puzzle pieces...fit us together and we form a fuller picture than we do alone. After 30 years together, it still works.
Joanna
Wow, you guys are really making me think of all the opposites between me and my best friend and my husband. I'm an early bird, they're both night owls. Cindi doesn't drink many sodas, I'm the Diet Coke fiend. She's spontaneous and I'm a planner.
Dana, how COOL about you and your friend ending up with the same items. I think I already told you guys about me and Trish having the same pjs and sweater. Cindi and I had the same nightgown once.
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