Pubs Vs Unpubs
Two things inspired me to write this blog. One was reading about a writer feeling bad about feeling envious of a friend who just sold. Another was reading an email of another writer talking about how hard it is to be a published author.
I’m thinking these two situations can create a pub vs. unpub split. Not that it’s a rivalry, but I think there are differences that can’t be understood by the person on the other side.
The first situation I mentioned was actually one that I’ve been concerned about. I worry that when I sell, I will go off the wall, and I don’t want to inadvertently make another unpub feel bad by my enthusiasm. I’ve felt jealous at times, and so I might feel the need to dampen my enthusiasm out of concern for others. And I don’t feel that’s altogether fair, if you know what I mean. So I can kind of see a tendency of the newly published gravitating toward other published authors, who have been where they are and will probably be less likely to be jealous.
The other incident also made me think that pubbed writers stick together because really, unpubs don’t WANT to hear about the bad side of being published. And even if we do want to know, we don’t want to believe it’s THAT bad. But I know this writer, I’ve known her for a long time. I know if she says it’s rough, it is.
But after these two incidents, I can see why published writers tend to band together and distance themselves, even a little, from the unpubs.
Here’s George
But THIS guy has been in my dreams the past couple of nights. 
Yes, Alex from Grey’s Anatomy. Why? Why? Why?
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12 comments:
You said it exactly, Mary. I've been thinking about posting an article about the same topic.
It irritates me as an unpub to hear *some* pubbed authors "whine" about how hard it is.
And, you're right - that isn't really fair to them. I can see how those feelings might cause seperation.
I'm glad to know some of the details of publishing - it makes us better writers and better prepared, but I am REALLY, REALLY fond of my rose-colored glasses.
I think envy is normal and I think you can be envious and still be happy for someone. I have to say I'm very conscious about what comes out of my mouth now that I sold. I even told my CP if she gets sick of hearing me rant about things to tell me to STFU.
I think it was Jordan who said something about every step having it's own set of problems/issues and she's right but we won't see them until we get there. Did that make sense?
Unfortunately,
From what I've witnessed, I don't think envy dies when the call arrives. In fact, I'd say that envy, or jealousy effects the published even more than the unpubbed. Once you're selling, there is so much more to compare/ feel envious about.
When my crit partner sold, she told me she was actually shocked at how cool some of her writing buddies became. A couple of her so called friends actually started making nasty, hurtful little comments.
Although she reacted to the sale with excitement and wonder, there was never any bragging involved, nothing that should have caused such negative reactions. Yet several people treated her horribly. These were all people from a very unsupportive board with lots of negative energy.
I always wondered whether her experience would have been different if we'd been members of a more supportive community.
I think it depends on the person. I've definitely gone through professional jealousy, but I've learned to suck it up and deal with it. When it comes to a first sale, though, I just love hearing about those. It's exciting, it's fun, and I get to live vicariously. I don't delude myself that the grass is greener, though. You're only as good as your latest book. We have to remember that.
What? Not ONE comment on those great pictures??
I guess I picked an interesting topic ;)
Stacy, I love your take on it, that the pubs don't want to discourage us. I wonder how many WOULD be discouraged, though. I think, like Sarah said, we hold tight to our rose colored glasses and think it can't be as bad as they say.
Cece, I feel a bit bad that you have to watch what you say so you don't overwhelm people. I mean, heck, you've worked for this a LONG TIME. You deserve it!
Theresa, I've heard similar stories about finding out who your friends are once you've sold. Not a lesson I particularly want to learn. I think I'm in a pretty supportive environment, and heck, people have seen I don't rest on my laurels. (Okay, so the progress meter hasn't moved, but I'm not resting, trust me!)
Michelle, you're right about first sales - very exciting. There have been a few (not eHQ, though) that caught me offguard because I thought I was closer. Just goes to show there's no way of knowing!
My main worry is to put people off with gushing, because as you see, I am not one to hold feelings inside. I just have to hope people will be happy for me that my work paid off.
Man, actually, I know some people who will be more happy for me than I will be!
Mar, when you sell I may actually cause the continental plates to divide by the amount of jumping up and down and screaming that I will be doing! People will be calling animal control to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart!
No, I am not kidding.
I know the feelings you are talking about. Right now this instant, things are going good for me...I want to share them, but I hope I don't come off as stupid by being excited. OR, insensitive. And yet, I don't see how I could react any other way. This IS good news. I'm happy. I don't want to make others unhappy. And yet...well, I see what you are saying.
As to being pubbed giving you a whole new set of things to worry about, it guess it does. I worry now about things I never let cross my mind before. Is it harder now than before? No, only different.
This work of being writers is HARD, on all of us---pubbed, unpubbed, aspiring, seasoned, you name it. It is not for the faint of heart, for a single moment. Only those who really want it really bad survive, and I have often wanted to quit. Yet something keeps me from quitting altogether. Part of that is my friends. What would we really do without each other, people who truly understand this business, this experience? Could I go to my job and find a single person who really "got it"? Not really. Only with my writer friends do I not have to go into a huge amount of exposition before I come close to sharing what I'm feeling. Only with you guys. That is something that we must maintain, even when at times we all get our feelings hurt. We are all human...and that is going to happen. When I feel my feelings hurting because someone else is doing much better, I let go of it and remind myself that all things are for a reason, and try to focus on the things in my life that are working. I can always find something, even on the worst days.
I'm always your friend, Mar. No matter what.
Hugs,
J
Great pic, Mary!!
Great topic too, obviously! I read about the same thing recently and it's given me some cause for thought. I can honestly say that if my cp sold tomorrow, I'd be one happy bumpkin.
For that matter, if someone else I know sold, I'd be a happy bumpkin. We're sort of a community and maybe I'm wierd, but everytime someone else sells, I think, "See, it does happen!"
I can see where jealousy erupts and causes discord. I can certainly see where this influences newly pubbed authors to gravitate towards other pubbed authors. But I think what we unpubbed writers need to remember is that we can learn from those who sell. How they did it, who's open to unpubbed, how'd they query, etc... Every little bit helps!
Hearing how hard some pubbed authors have it doesn't irritate me so much. I think nothing is perfect, so there's always going to be some sort of problem, especially when you're dealing with business. So, I figure it's only natural. And I'll gladly look forward to the day that we can all complain about being published ;-).
This is a really good post, Mary. It feels like I lost my rose-colored glasses a long time. Like maybe they slid under the car seat and got on the tracks and have been crushed utterly. The longer I'm in this biz and the closer I get to a sale, the more I know that a sale is just one thing. It's not a career. On some levels, it may not even be success. And yet, I continue to stick with it. Why? Because after coming this far, I want *some* recognition that I accomplished something. I also still hope to be a rich, best-selling author, but I know that lottery tickets might be a better investment. ;)
Thank you for liking the pictures, April ;)
April, I love what you said about seeing a first sale as proof that editors buy first time authors. And I know I'm happy for first sales, excited by them, just as I'll be excited tomorrow for my friends who final even if I don't. The person who inspired this topic, though, seemed to be going through a rough time herself, and her newly published friend was over the moon (I've been using that a lot, I know) and the unpublished friend was just getting more and more down in the dumps. I hope if it happens to me I am more aware of others.
JoAnn, LOL on the contincental divide! Good point about writing being hard no matter what stage you're at! And you bet we can learn from those who sell, and we're fortunate to know some very generous writers. I also think they hesitate to say too much because they don't want us to think they're bragging, or whatever.
Esri, I'm with you. I've invested too much (and now we have agents!) to not walk away with SOMETHING. No kidding on the lottery tickets!
Honestly, the only thing that makes me feel bad is when a recently pub writer tries to belittle me for wanting to go my way and self-publish my stuff. *smirks* Hey! If that's the way I wanna go, it's my career, right? Why can they be more supportive and less snotty?
>>There have been a few (not eHQ, though) that caught me offguard because I thought I was closer.
Me too.
I think, like Kiki, I lost my rose colored glasses a while back. I'm really blessed that I CAN tell my CP's to tell me to STFU. At the same time, I've been on the other side of the fence, so hey I understand. It doesn't dim the feeling of satisfaction over having finally proven that I CAN DO THIS and it was worth all the time I invested.
Did that even make sense?
Regardless, CONGRATS ON THE GH!!!!!!!!!!!
You're dead right, Silma. You have to make the choices that are right for you in your career!
Cece, I understand completely. Affirmation is key.
And thanks!!!
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