Hope
A scary word. You may have noticed I'm not really excited about my agent sending out my manuscript this week. Well, I just don't have a lot of hope. Yes, it helps that she's excited about it, that she believes in it, and it helps that it's changed a lot since she helped me revise it, but.....this book has been rejected.
A lot.
It's better than it was, but it's been rejected a lot. So I'm holding my hope in reserve.
Only yesterday I was listening to some of the Spotlights from RWA conference and I started thinking, "Well, you know, mayyyybe...." I started getting a little excited when I heard about Berkley and Bantam talking about offering two book contracts, and holding off books to publish them back to back to build authors and I thought, "Heyyyy, that could be......"
And I'm so afraid to think like that, to believe it could happen to me. You've seen the timeline. There are a lot of spaces in there I chose not to dwell on. A lot of rejections, a lot of dashed dreams. I could think I'm due and be wrong. I could think I'm good enough and be wrong. My agent (God bless her, she's so enthusiastic) could be wrong.
Hope. It's one scary word.
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10 comments:
Oh my gosh, I know how you feel. I keep thinking everyone's wrong about my book. They have to be. My CPs, my agent, my family. It just isn't possible that my book has a real chance of publication. So, when my ms went out, I was unbelievably calm. I wasn't nervous, or even very excited, because I knew it would never sell.
Things have changed, however (my agent got excited about the sequel and sent it out as well), and I'm now on the edge of my proverbial seat, waiting for word.
Your agent wouldn't have sent it out if she didn't think she could sell it. However, I deal with this kind of stress with a strict regimen of pessimism, on the theory that if I don’t expect much, I won’t be disappointed. And if something good happens, I’ll be that much more surprised. So, maybe you’re going about this the right way.
But what do I know?
I too know how you feel. You want to hope, but you're afraid to hope. And no matter how much you tell yourself not to think about it, you can't help it. I really hope it flies this time and it's bought pronto!
::J, giving Mar a big hug::
I know, Mar. You just get so tired of getting dashed on the rocks. But one of these times it WILL happen...and all of it, each and every second of it, will have been worth it. Trust me, dear one. It IS coming.
Love you,
J
P.S. Forgot to thank you for bringing Gerry back.
Hugs, Mary. It's hard knowing that it's out there, that you could get the call that will change your life...or that the phone will remain silent.
Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to not know when or where the manuscript is going.
Sit tight, and know that I am hoping and praying for you to get some good news! Emily knows what she's doing.
One of my buddies quiried Tor and they asked for a full. They rejected her. Her agent sent it them... same story, they offered for it. Go figure.
You'll do fine and quit fretin'!
Yes it is a scary word but good things are coming your way, Mary :)
Mary, I know you're going to get the Call this year. Good things are going to happen, don't worry.
And yes, hope is a scary word. We tell ourselves not to get our hopes up so the rejection doesn't sting as much.
Hang in there!
Good luck, Mary! I wish I could say having your book out there is easy, but it's not. It does take guts, though!! If your agent is excited about your work, then there is hope.
I'm rooting for you!!
Thanks you guys!
Rachel, that's exactly it. I'm not generally a pessimist (I don't think) so it has to be that I'm protecting myself from disappointment.
You know, maybe if I hadn't had an editor all excited about it before, but who left before she could buy it, I might be more excited. I do trust my agent, but she hasn't traveled the road I have with this book.
Dana, I like that story!
I took the day off today and ended up feeling sick anyway. UGH! It may be a day of reading and DVDs, since I didn't get the washer last night as planned.
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