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funny picturesI did my cover art sheet for Hot Shot yesterday. I begged for Clooney….I wonder what I’ll get.
Saw Ratatouille and The Kingdom yesterday. I’m having the worst movie luck! Bleh.
I woke up with the BEST story idea. I don’t think I can be funny enough to pull it off, though. And my beloved book is giving me fits. Only managed 4 pages yesterday, but I’m done with my GH entries.
One of my friends sent me this – too funny not to share!
Unwritten rules of Hollywood aka Hollywood cliches
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9a. When hailing a taxi, merely hold up an arm and one will be a few feet away. Especially in a busy city.
9b. When paying for the taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12a. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
12b. In a high speed chase, all vehicles shall have the same screeching sound - that of a race car. Even a souped up Pinto.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one - especially if said group is "The A-Team".
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
27. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
28. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
29. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
30. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
31. All cell phone calls will be crystal clear - no matter the surroundings.
32. The cops will always ask for "one more thing" after the suspect says that magical phrase "I want a lawyer".
33. A computer expert will be able to read binary and assembly language like a book.
34. The above expert can also be able to access any computer from any computer, no matter the security, in minutes.
35. In any haunted house, the ghost will be of a murdered victim. Only murdered people can have supernatural beings.
36, Good guys can get shot multiple times and live while bad guys need merely one shot to die.
37. Two single professional characters of both genders shall offer UST,
38. If the hero is a male cop, he shall be partnered with an equally attractive female of similar age.
39. No character shall EVER be seen paying a monthly bill- rent, electricity, insurance, etc.
40. All ransom notes shall be constructed of letters cut out of various magazine adverts.
41. No man shall go to bed wearing a shirt.
