Soooooo Tired

Came home from the field trip, then the doctor, and collapsed on the couch. Did I go to bed after 24? NOOO. I stayed up to watch the Spurs lose in overtime. Why-oh-why did they have to foul Shaggy, the best free throw shooter on the Mavericks?

So I'll be a lazy blogger today. TrishJ sent this to me.


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And yes, this is mostly just an excuse to post this.

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Amie Stuart said...

sorry mary!

*whispers "go mavs"*

MJFredrick said...

Cece, I actually love Avery Johnson - if anyone had to beat us, I'm glad it was him. And Dallas outplayed us, no question. I just hate Mark Cuban.

Anonymous said...

LOL Mary! DD and I laughed until we cried.

April said...

Hope you get some good sleep!

And thanks for clearing up all of my health misconceptions! I'll pick up more chocolate on the way home tomorrow :-)

KATZ said...

ROTF, Mary! Thanks for the laugh!
I'm tired, too, but it's self-induced. Staying up way too late...mostly writing, some chatting...can't seem to stop! :)

You're almost to summer break!

MJFredrick said...

Glad to give you a laugh, Mary Beth! Though you're probably laughing anyway, what with three more days till vacation and all ;)

Thanks, April and Sarah. Woke up at 3:30 after a BAD dream, so I guess I'll go fix my sucknopsis.

Anonymous said...

Ahh...sorry to hear you're still in school AND SICK! :) Many hugs and hope you feel well soon.

MJFredrick said...

Thanks, Kendra.


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